Memories, of the way we were…….

Sorry things have been quiet on the blogging front recently but there has been a mountain of things to do with no time for updating the blog, sorry!


Things here at the Caprese are rather hectic as you can imagine.  We are now in the final countdown of our last 4 weeks in business on Buchanan Street, 22 days left to be precise and time is flying past so quickly.  We close 3 weeks this coming Saturday and judging by the bookings in our diary, we will be getting little sleep in those 3 weeks.  A word to those of you that come in and find us bleary eyed and stifling a yawn, we’re not bored, just exhausted!  Lots of customers are amazed to find that we don’t have different staff doing various shift patterns to lighten the load but instead find that the same people who are there first thing in the morning, are also there closing up last thing at night, every night!  The one thing we are all looking forward to when we close is having a day off which is a luxury we have not been lucky enough to have in the past few weeks!


We’ve been talking a lot about the Caprese and things that have gone on during the past 26 years.  So many hysterical stories which unfortunately are not repeatable on here which is a shame really!  I will tell you a few of the slightly tamer ones though!


A lot of the things you remember are silly really but raise a smile when you think back.  Costanzo was laughing remembering an old man who used to deliver our newspapers every evening.  This man was a walking market stall with all manner of “fallen off the back of a lorry” goods tucked in his coat. One night he comes in, opens up both sides of his coat and reveals giant bulk packs of toothbrushes that he is selling.  Costanzo asks if they are any good and he replies “yes, I use them all the time!”.  Not very likely considering that the aforementioned newspaper delivery man has not one tooth in his mouth! Not a great advert for toothbrushes was this man!  On another occasion, during the Christmas party season, we had a large party of women in who slightly overindulged on the wine, well it was Christmas who can blame them. Next morning we get an anxious phone call from a lady asking if we can check our toilets as the previous evening she had been a bit ill in one of our loos and had lost her false teeth!  Needless to say, we didn’t find them but would you really want them back?!


Costanzo being the Romeo that he is, always has the women falling at his feet and he loves it!  One particular night when he had been giving four ladies a lot of attention over the evening, he received more than the usual peck on the cheek on their departure.  The ladies left telling him that they had left his tip on the table.  Costanzo goes to the table and finds four pairs of knickers of all things lying on the table!  Let’s hope it wasn’t a cold night that night!  On another evening, we had a party of nurses in who were having a great time dancing and singing and asked Costanzo to join in which of course he did. Costanzo goes off in the middle of all of the nurses and shows them some of his moves.  Unfortunately, they also showed him some of their moves which involved them whipping down his trousers revealing, well, revealing everything really!  Coincidentally, we had a minister and his wife at the table facing them who got the full frontal view of Costanzo in all his glory!  Their faces were a picture and rather than losing a customer, the minister’s wife returned the following week!


Some of these big parties can be wild with all manner of things going on.  One evening we had a lady go off to the toilets and return naked!  Costanzo tried to protect her modesty with his apron thankfully but on speaking to her husband who was in the party, he explained that his wife, when she has a few glasses of wine, thinks she is at home and strips off for bed!  Another evening we heard strange noises coming from our tiny staffroom, went off to investigate and found an amorous couple getting to know each other a bit better, in our staffroom of all places!


One night, a poor looking soul came in asking for a table for one.  Costanzo refused saying we didn’t have a table but his daughters Ilia and Lidia pleaded with him to allow him in as they felt sorry for him “oh please Dad, please, it’s a shame, let him in” so they gave him a table.  He ordered his Spaghetti Carbonara and 2 large orange juices then asked for the bill.  Costanzo gave him his bill and when he returned for the payment, the poor looking soul had written on the back of the cheque “I can’t pay for this, I have no money”. Costanzo then starts pleading with the girls and fake crying “please, please, he’s got no money, now I’m going to have to break his neck”!  Thankfully no necks broken but the moral of this story is, you eat, you pay!

We all have our little faux pas and say things that come out the wrong way and we are no exception.  Ilia was heard telling a customer who enquired about how the fillet steak was prepared, that her fathers meat was well hung! Another customer who was ordering calamari was asked if he liked the testicles!  A few weeks ago I told one of our regular customers that was looking for his wallet that I had seen something sticking out of his trousers but didn’t want to say anything at the time!


We also had a medical emergency one busy lunch time.  A poor gentleman suffered a heart attack at the table and had to be resuscitated on the floor of the restaurant.  The strangest thing about this episode is that customers around him carried on as normal asking for the sweet menu!  Thankfully the gentleman was taken off to hospital and made a full recovery and thankfully the customers at the next table got their sweet!  It was a worrying period for Costanzo though, not only for the health of the gentleman but whether he was going to come back and pay his bill!


So many stories.  When we were talking about them we realised that most of them could not be told to protect the innocent but they have given us some laughs over the years which we will take with us when we move.  I am sure that over the next 3 final weeks of the Caprese we will have plenty of laughter intertwined with the tears to add to our memories.

About jo

We are a wonderful (even though way say so ourselves!) little family run Italian restaurant located right in the heart of Glasgow City Centr
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